Shop Life // Sex or Magic

Shop Life is a sordid mix of real and imagined things that occur at your local comic book shops – half venting, half process for an upcoming series of serialized fiction.

WOMAN: Okay. I’m going to give you a choice. I want you to think about this very carefully.

MAN (IGNORING, LOOKING AT NEW MAGIC CARDS): Uh-huh sure.

WOMAN: You can have sex with me tonight if you pay for your own Magic cards this time.

MAN (PAUSING BRIEFLY BEFORE): I’m sorry, what?

WOMAN: You always make me pay for your Magic cards, and I don’t feel like having sex tonight, so I’m making you a deal.

MAN: I don’t always make you pay for my Magic cards.

WOMAN: Everytime you bring me into a store like this you do.

MAN (SOMEWHAT ANGRY): Sometimes I come to Magic shops by myself, did you ever think of that?

WOMAN: That’s… that’s not the point. That’s not even close to what I’m talking about. I don’t want-

MAN: You would really blackmail me like that?

WOMAN: It’s not blackmail, it’s-

MAN: You’re making me choose between having sex or Magic cards?

WOMAN: No, you can have sex and Magic cards, if you pay for the Magic cards.

MAN: That’s not fair. You didn’t tell me that before we got here.

WOMAN: I don’t have to tell you these things at all. I didn’t want to have sex tonight, and I’m giving you a chance anyway. You should be happy about this. Unless you only brought me here to pay for Magic cards and didn’t tell me.

~~  //  ~~  THE LONGEST, MOST AWKWARD PAUSE TO EVER HAPPEN EVER  ~~  //  ~~

MAN (DEFEATED): I don’t have any money on me.

CUT TO:

WOMAN (AT TILL, PAYING, MUTTERING TO CASHIER): really didn’t want to have sex tonight.

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What It Is

01. An attempt at a highly stylized personal blog.

02. An excersize in daily writing.

03. A depository for process notes that aren’t now or are no longer spoilers.

04. A flailing attempt to stave off the secret voice that whispers notes of failure into my ear.

Welcome, once again, to The Soupy Toasterson Show.